frm

Rectal ruin, anal action and backdoor blunders - the ass care thread

Not to be confused with whatever lame bush league poop thread you were trying to run before I came back here. Apalanchu gets it.

Anyway, I have always had doo doo issues as you all know. I like pooping but I only like pooping at home and I must have a super clean bootyhole post BM.
Well, those morals and values are challenged in an environment with 15-20 other males and bathrooms we must share. You can’t have wet wipes. I don’t know why. I’ve stopped asking such questions. In the interest of time I’ll break down what I came up with instead. My internet time is wrapping up. You can drink all the coffee you want here. So I take two empty coffee cups in the bathroom with me. The sinks are about 10 meters from the toilet stalls. I fill the two cups with hot, soapy water and sneak them into the stall with me. I do my business and then wipe till I bleed and then dip toilet paper into the hot soapy water, making my own wet wipes and then I clean ass. It’s a brilliant solution to a pressing issue.

4 Likes

we call this the ‘hot coffee mod’

5 Likes

awkward bart simpson GIF

4 Likes

It’s all about toilet seats with built-in ass blasters. once you blast your ass it’s hard to go back

5 Likes

I’m gonna take a wild guess that you can’t have wet wipes because people flush them and clog the pipes.

1 Like

I’ve been a fan of the dampened TP for a while. All 3 thrones in my palace are within arms reach of the basin tap so no need for cuppage.

2 Likes

You should try blasting your ass, it’s even better

3 Likes

That’s why our shower has one of them detachable noozle things which can be adjusted from gentle rain to crowd dispersing power blast.

All Finnish homes come equipped with an ass blaster.

3 Likes

Also, Chester, buddy, do not use wet wipes. They are horrible for the environment and they fuck up sewage systems real good.

:scruffy: i tried blasting his ass and it was great

4 Likes

I work in a hospital, so I’m spoiled for choice on toilets. There are at least twenty single occupancy bathrooms, so I rarely have to settle for one that doesn’t allow me to completely sequester myself. Typical ass wiping protocol in that environment is to grab three paper hand towels, fold them neatly, and then hit with warm water and the Purell soap. Toilet paper for the first wipe to see what the damage is, followed by wet paper towel, and another pass with regular TP to dry everything out.

If I’m at home, and a dump is particularly messy, I immediately jump in the shower, squat, and power wash my butthole with my detachable showerhead. There’s something incredibly satisfying in watching brown poo water turning clear.

3 Likes

:horgh:

2 Likes

you soap up? after dumping? bizarre.

Unlike the rest of you animals, I care about having a pristine anus.

At this point, it may be the only thing I care about.

2 Likes

What the hell is wrong with you people’s assholes?

1 Like

they seem to be caked with grime.

3 Likes

I’m sure the substance abuse treatment maintenance staff will get right on that.

5 Likes

you’re telling me you’re staying at a sanatorium without bidets?

…sanitarium under the sign of the bidet.

4 Likes