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IMDB reviews

Post fun IMDB reviews that you come across.

In my life, I have had the extreme misfortune to see some of the worst movies ever captured on film. I’m talking extreme bad, plot holes, no character development, nothing. Terrible movies which make you want to slowly pull your eyeballs out and tear your hair out of your head.

None of them…NONE OF THEM…are nearly as terrible as this terrible piece of crap. THIS IS THE WORST MOVIE OF ALL TIME!!! Whoever directed this abomination should be ashamed of himself and his family should hide in shame for the rest of their existence. For whatever reason the movie was rated this high, I’m not entirely sure. This is the first time that I feel I have seriously lost more than two hours of my life that I will never ever get back. As I lay on my death bed, thinking about how my life has been used, this terrible piece of crap will be my only regret in my life. I hate you movie!!! From the bottom of my cold, dark soul I hate you!!! Take my advice, stay away from this abomination. STAY AWAY FROM THIS MOVIE!!! For the love of God and all that is holy stay away. Most bad movies are at least kind enough to end after about an hour and a half. This movie will slowly drain your soul and life away over its completely unnecessary three and a half hour run time. I’m so angry at this movie!!!

Seven Samurai. Hello, Sax.

Oh shit, I forgot about “WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF RICE”.

This is shooting fish in a barrel. Just go to any good movie, search reviews by stars ascending, and you’ll get some unbelievable takes lacking taste and intelligence.

Boy is this film rubbish. If you want a robots film you will not find one that is worse.It’s just a piece of rubbish on the ground.

The story is so dumb and it goes on forever before it ends. It’s a story about a cop who is shot all over the place but still doesn’t die, and then he’s turned into a robot. See what I mean? This is such a rubbish story. He goes after the man who killed him and tries to kill him back.

This will make you feel so miserable, like coming home to find your house burgled. All the actors look weird and they are too old. The cops in the movie look more like salesmen. The special effects are rubbish which means that when they happen in the movie it makes you point and laugh at how rubbish they are. If they had made more effort to make them look better the film would have been better.

Robocop

He’s purported to be a healthy, fit human, but he has to smoke mass quantities of cigarettes. Crap.

Road House

What galls me most about this movie specifically and the Coen brothers’ movies generally is that they all reveal the insipidness of both the Coens and their fans. What they can’t achieve with excellent dialogue, well-spun stories, and logical continuity in plotting, the Coens make up for via blood, lust, more blood, and then more blood. Vanquished from their movies is any sense of humanity or hope, and we are left in what I can best describe as a “bleakscape” - where the great positive is the presence of so much that is negative. I do delight, however, in the spectacle of reading swooning fans’ fawning tributes to the Coens’ “films” (and yes, their fans will watch only “films”).

Utterly unbelievable in the bleak, depressing, and joyless tableaux they offer, the Coen films are the perfect answer to a society full of soulless narcissists.

Fargo, one of many similarly retarded takes from moralizing retards. I also enjoy the ones where the reviewer complains that the film is called Fargo despite being set primarily in Minnesota.

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These aren’t YouTube comments. These assholes take themselves and their horrible opinions way too seriously for these reviews to contain the moments of unexpected pithy wit and revealing humor that are often found in the reflexive art of YouTube comments.